Petrified Death

When death is near I cringe,

Not because I am afraid,

But because I'm petrified,

When I feel death is near I google the pain my body is feeling,

Only to read that my symptoms relate to,

Blood clots,

Kidney cancer,

Pneumonia,

And heart disease,

I googled this not because I'm afraid,

But because I'm petrified,

When death is near I think,

A million scenarios pop into my head,

And I think back to when I use to think death was a luxury,

As I'm picturing different ways I could die I look down at my scarred flesh,

Maybe this is how God is punishing me,

I think this not because I'm afraid,

But because I'm petrified,

When death is near I'm careful,

I make sure not to breathe to slow or to fast,

Every breath I cherish like a vacation to the bahamas,

I make sure not to let anything cut my skin,

One accidental cut could kill me,

I make sure not to cry,

My body needs to stay hydrated,

I'm careful not because I'm afraid,

But because I'm petrified,

When death is near I notice,

I notice that I think,

Am careful,

And I google things,

When I think I'm going to die,

But it doesn't really matter that I'm going to notice those things,

Because no matter what death is inevitable,

I don't notice this because I'm afraid,

But because I am petrified,

I think about it constantly as it consumes my life,

One wrong move and I'm dead is all I can think,

As my now healed scars all over my body start to ooze out blood again,

My breath shallows,

My heart stops,

Why did I ever wanna die?